Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Kirby: Check out the Relief Society

We had our Stake Women's Conference a couple weeks ago, and as usual it DID NOT disappoint! Sister Chieko Okazaki was the keynote speaker (and her talk was phenomenal). She started out by sharing this article from the Salt Lake Tribune. It was too funny not to share! Enjoy!!

By Robert Kirby
I went to Relief Society last week. Although this wasn't a sin, I was supposed to be in High Priest Group where guys my age belong.
For you non-Mormons, Relief Society is the LDS Church's organization for women. I happen to believe the church couldn't exist without it.
Some people think the priesthood is the most essential part of our church. But I've been a Mormon my whole life and I know who does all the work.
Anyway, for some reason I decided it was a complete waste of time to put on my good pants just for High Priests. I can stay home and listen to hound dogs snore.
(Here, I'll make it easy for you: Salt Lake Tribune, 90 S. 400 West, Suite 700, Salt Lake City, UT 84101.)
Even without the priesthood, the women of the Rosecrest 1st Ward caught on right away that something was amiss. I stood out like Wilford Brimley in a beauty pageant, a mule among deer.
It made them nervous. One or two women offered to show me to priesthood meeting. Several asked if I was lost, a rather pointless question considering to whom it was directed.
"Robert, what are you doing in here?" the bishop's wife finally demanded.
I said that I just wanted to see how the other half lived, that I'd heard the lessons were grippers, and, more to the point, there might be snacks.
Actually, I said that Heavenly Father told me to be there. As explanations go, this one is quite handy. They can't prove that he didn't.
I stayed for the entire bit. Here's my report:
Thanks to folding chairs, I come out of High Priests (when I do go) numb at both ends. Relief Society is the only room in a Mormon church where the chairs are padded.
It smells better. High Priests smell like Preparation H and dry scalp. But I'll bet half of any blessings I've got coming that someone in Relief Society was wearing White Shoulders.
The music is angelic. It helps that Relief Society had someone who plays the piano. But it wouldn't matter if we had a band, priesthood bearers in the Rosecrest 1st Ward sing like oxen held at gunpoint.
The lesson was clearly prepared. By this I mean that some thought went into it, the teacher stayed on track and no one - not even once - drew a corollary between the gospel of Jesus Christ and the NFL.
The downside? No snacks. Kids yodeled in the background. A bit formal. And unlike priesthood meeting, no one offered a counterpoint, such as "You're full of crap, Bill," to any part of the discussion.
It was good. I'll probably go back.

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