- 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
- 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They stretch after awhile.'
- 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'
- 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
- 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
- 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
- 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?'
- 'Warning! You want a warning? OK., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'
- 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
- 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'
- 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
- 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
- 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
- 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to , but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
- 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
- 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here’
Friday, March 28, 2008
These are comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, boy, are these funny!!!
- Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- I would not allow this student to breed.
- Your child has delusions of adequacy.
- Your son is depriving a village some where of an 'idiot'.
- Your son sets low personal standards, and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
- This child has been working with glue too much.
- When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
- The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
- If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- It's impossible to believe the 1 sperm that created this child, beat out 1,000,000 others.
- The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
So, please email me at: email@example.com if you read our blog and would like an invitation (or leave a comment below with your email address and I'll delete it as soon as I add you).
I'm sad it has come to this, but I need to do what is best for my family. I love reading friend's blogs and hope that many of you continue reading ours.
I'll leave this up for a week (maybe 2), but won't be posting anything new until we go private.
PS. read my comments for an explanation...
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Payton was 3 days overdue and I had been having contractions all night, every night for the 3 nights previous. I was EXHAUSTED and so done being pregnant! I called my dear doctor at home on Sunday night (the joys of having an doctor in your ward!) and told him what was happening, so he scheduled an induction for Monday afternoon.
My sweet mother-in-law came over to stay with the kids and my wonderful mom came up to hang out at the hospital with us! When we got there, it was all the usual: get checked in, settle in (one of the nurses recognized us from 6 years previous with the prolapsed cord - see Feb 24th post), sit and wait.
So my wonderful doctor, whom I had throughout my pregnancy came in with some "bad news." Because I was a "v-bac" patient, his insurance wouldn't cover him to deliver me. We had to decide whether to go home (I was seriously NOT leaving the hospital) or have the on-call doctor do the induction. She was very nice, and I'd met her before (during previous pregnancies and when she delivered my nephew). She didn't seem too thrilled with the idea of me staying, but I told her I could not take another night (or more) of constant contractions that didn't go anywhere.
S0, we had arrived at noon, and by the time all the decisions were made, they finally came in to put my IV in at 4pm. We were in for a LONG night. Because of my previous cord prolapse, she would not break the bag of waters, so they started the pitocin and we waited. And waited. And waited. I had so many weird misc. things happen - they had a really hard time keeping Payton's heart beat on the monitor, so I had to lay in all these funny positions - nothing really helped. I asked for an epidural when the contractions were getting semi-painful. I didn't want to have happen what happened with Avonleigh - it took more than an hour (and MANY tries) to get it in, then it didn't work, then when it FINALLY worked, I was ready to push.
Well, apparently I have bad luck with epidurals. The woman who came in tried several times in various places along the column and couldn't get it in. She finally called in her superior (when she thought it 'might' be in) and he said, "No, pull it out." So then he tried - first time, worked like a charm. Then it took a while for it to 'kick in.' The doctor would check me every several hours. I seemed to dilate super slowly (because she was still so high there was no pressure on the cervix). It gets kinda blurry for me as the night wore on and the wee small hours of the morning came. At one point a got super nauseous and thought I was going to throw up (this had never happened to me during labor before). They gave me a shot of something to stop the nausea and it knocked me out almost instantly. That was weird.
So, since my memory doesn't serve as well as it did with Christopher's birth (go figure), I'll give the shorter version.
My dearest girlfriend Sarah spent most of the evening with Chris, my mom and I. Then Chris left to come home and get a few hours of sleep (and he missed the kids) - it was around 1am or so. Sarah finally decided to go and get some sleep around 4 or 5am.
I came our of my stooper of exhaustion just before 6am. I was feeling something "really weird" was all I said. A nurse came in and lifted up the blanket to find a water bag bulging out of me! My mom quickly called Chris and Sarah to get back to the hospital! They showed up just as Dr. Curtis popped the bag. Sarah grabbed the video camera (yes, I said VIDEO CAMERA!) and I think it took about 5 or 6 pushes (more than her sisters who practically flew out). She was slightly stuck, but the doctor worked her magic to get the shoulders out and she finally came with a goosh! I'M DONE! I was so glad to have her on the outside!!
My previous babies weighed: 7lb 11oz; 7lb 13oz; 7lb 3oz
Payton weight in at 9lb 4oz and 21" - no wonder I had to push!
We had a good hospital stay and I was home the next day. There were a plethora of complications that arose after her birth, but I won't get into that. Suffice it to say, a year later, I'm still glad NOT to pregnant. We'll see if we have any more!
On a side note - I am SOOOOO glad that Sarah was there to video this birth. It is so amazing to me to finally get to see me bring my child into this world. I never would have thought I would tape one of my births (it took 4 to finally get there), but I'm so glad that we did! Thank you, Sarah! You'll forever be a part of our family.
To my sweet, funny, beautiful Payton-Jean-ameenie-wah-peenie (say it fast, it's fun! Even more endearing is the fact that her brother came up with it), I love you more than words can express! I love how you watch your brother and sisters and already want to do everything they do! I love your sweet little smile and the way you say your 2 favorite words "Dada" and "Uh-oh!" You are so precious and truly complete our family. We love you!!!
She's here - doesn't her daddy look happy?!
Read 'em and weap - 9LBS 4OZ
Ready to eat right away!
Sweet baby in her swing
At 2 months
Her blessing day (4 months old) - the same day as Aunt Kym and Uncle Alan's wedding!
And then at 5 months at Uncle TJ and Aunt Molly's wedding.
Happy Halloween little Punkin'! (7 months)
Christmas morning (9 months).
Who could resist this angel?
Payton at 11 months
"Hey, where'd my banana go??"
"Hey, you lookin' at me?"
Saturday, March 15, 2008
I love my dad! So many of the things that I feel very strongly about, I learned from him. I have always noticed and appreciated his honesty, integrity, work ethic and soft heart (even when he didn't want to let it show!). Dad I love you for so many reasons, not the least of which is how much you love my children and want so badly to set a good example for them. I cherish the time they get to spend with you. You can not imagine how I look forward to the day that I can be sealed to you and mom - forever.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
It got me to thinking about the simply amazing life I lead. I get to watch these phenomenal little people grow and learn (despite my meager attempts to teach them). I get to stay home and worry about the "little" things, like making sure the floors are clean and whether or not the kids had a balanced meal for lunch. I love running them around to their various events and having them participate with me in my events (i.e. visiting teaching, presidency meetings, meals for the sick, etc). I love that I have a supportive husband who wants me to be home and who works very hard to afford me this privilege!
In short, I LOVE MY LIFE!
Here's to many more gravity-defying cereal boxes. I welcome them.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Things You Are Wearing Right Now: Old blue jeans and a sweatshirt (rrrrrowww, now you know why he calls me "Babydoll!")
Two Things You Have (or want) in a Relationship: Contentment and Support (physical, emotional, spiritual)
Your Favorite Things to Do: Clean and blog - bad combination
Two Things You Did Last Night: Had a family discussion after scripture study, Switched between American Idol (my fav) and Survivor (Chris' fav).
Two People You Talked to Last Night: Sarah Dye and Mom Zahlmann
Two Things You're Doing Tomorrow: Sleep in (only in my dreams) and clean the yard, organize the house
Two Longest Car Rides: Moving from Florida to Oregon (like 3500 miles) and a family trip from California to Montana.
Two Favorite Holidays: Two? Really? Any holiday that is an excuse to have big family get-togethers! Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Birthdays, Superbowl (hey, in the Zahlmann household it's a holiday!)
Two Favorite Drinks: Water and Ginger Ale
Two Things About Me You May Not Have Known: I'm REALLY grumpy when I'm sleep deprived.
I'm not very nice (NO patience) when I'm pregnant.
Two Jobs I Have Had in My Life: Llama wrangler (believe it!) and nanny
Two Movies I Would Watch Over and Over: The Count of Monte Cristo and Goonies
Two of My Favorite Foods: Sweet 'n Sour Chicken with Pork Fried Rice (home made) and pizza
Two Places I'd Rather Be Right Now: Somewhere warm (like Hawaii) or abroad (Europe, Australia, anywhere)
Five People I tag: I refuse!
So on our night we get to choose the meal AND help shop and prepare it. It's been going great this week! The kids are so excited for their night and I love having the menu all planned out (we went shopping on Tuesday for everything so I love having that done too!).
Here are some pictures of Buddy's night...
I love this - Avonleigh took this picture while Buddy was rolling meatballs.
Viola! Spaghetti and turkey meatballs with marinara
2lbs Ground Turkey
3/4 - 1 Cup Seasoned Breadcrumbs
1 cup Parmesan cheese
1 Tbl Dehydrated onion (or more to taste)
1 heaping Tbl garlic
1 tsp Oregano
Salt and Pepper to taste
Put in bowl and smash! Form into 2" balls. Heat a little oil in a frying pan and brown lightly on all sides. If you have time to simmer for a few hours (or more) then put them into your simmering spaghetti sauce. If not, cook them all the way through then mix with marinara.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Spaghetti sauce – Newman’s Own (Sockarooni), with or w/o hamburger, turkey, etc.
Shredded cheddar cheese (or a slice of American)
Salt and pepper to taste
Assemble like haystacks and enjoy!